Finding one’s balance as a woman
I had an Ah ha! today about finding one’s balance as a woman, after experiencing a few “bad hair” days. I wish to share a story with you. It’s my story but perhaps you as a woman will be able to relate.
First, I’ll let you in on a little secret…woman to woman. This past week, I had a breast lift…ONLY a breast lift as I will not put anything artificial in my body. Surgery went well, but on the first day after the surgery, I had an inordinate amount of swelling, bruising and numbness on my left side, and it still remains. The doctor did say he had to do more work on the left side but I pondered over it also being attributed to some emotions in which I have been engulfed due to a recent relationship that was the embodiment of a degrading behavioral pattern I have had for a very long time. I mentioned this in my previous blog posting called Finding our way to our full worthiness as women. Inflammation can be associated with anger (see Your Body Speaks Your Mind, an insightful book by Deb Shapiro). And the left side represents the feminine, which has been undeveloped (in me) and has been “demeaned” by men for so long. Two things to point out here. Having a breast lift was for me a means of enhancing my femininity. I have wanted one for a very long time as I was not blessed with perky breasts. Note that I have done this for me and me only. Also, I have been enraged lately because of the circumstances of the relationship I mention above as I have been seemingly hanging onto some lingering emotion. Now, as I travel the road seeking my feminine radiance, could it be that this excessive swelling is a physical manifestation of my deeply rooted anger since the relationship was the culmination of an ancient behavioral pattern relating to women’s treatment by men that I was finally releasing? When an emotion or feeling surfaces, it is beckoning to be released.
I’ve also been feeling overwhelmed and enraged about my business. I feel so far behind others who are prospering in their businesses, even though I know that I’m being supported by Spirit and all is in good time…that my destiny is set and nothing will stop that from happening. I seem to be getting bombarded by emails about wealth and making fast money and achieving great success in one’s business. And everyone seems to be operating at lightning speed and I feel I can’t keep up. Does success require to be in such a state all the time…always going…always doing? I’ve lived my life that way and I want off the treadmill. It seems so masculine-driven and that’s what I’m trying to release myself from…that’s the whole premise of my Yin Radiance program. It seems so much to handle and yet it infuriates me that I’m not yet able to jump deep into my business and pursue it in full force since I also have a corporate job I must continue with. On the other hand, just as I wrote in my blog posting mentioned above about finding one’s full worth as a woman, I have for most of my life not felt worthy of making lots of money and this old belief has also been surfacing lately. Perhaps that’s why I’m being bombarded by all these emails…to offset this emotional attack of feeling incapable of having abundance.
On a final note, I have had a lingering throat irritation that doesn’t seem to want to go away. If you’re familiar with the chakras, the energy centers of our body, the throat chakra represents one’s ability to express herself. It’s about “finding one’s voice.” As I have been working deeply in finding my own inner balance, releasing myself from the masculine “chains that bind me,” I have been expressing myself most emphatically during my regular interactions with the men at work (I work in one of the most male-dominated industries…the oil & gas industry). As a corporate manager supporting hundreds of employees across the company, I interface with all levels from presidents to engineers…of course, most being men. I have found myself communicating determinedly without regard to the status of the person. I’m finding my voice! Is this endless throat irritation another manifestation of release of an old behavior pattern, one in which I was previously not able to express myself as a woman?
Perhaps all this has been triggered by my surgery, since it’s all about my womanhood and feeling good about myself as a woman and that the breasts are symbolic of abundance, regeneration, feminine power and nourishment (of the soul, in my case). I am finding my inner balance through which I will realize my full Yin radiant abundance (both inner and outer!). And now I feel I can share it with all women who find themselves seeking that sacred feminine place within. That is why I created the Yin Radiance: The Journey to Inner Balance program.
Thanks for reading my story. I do hope you received some small insight from it.
